Beware with the Sowbug
The backstage of an actor trying to fully embody his role.
Who is that actor? Is it me, you, or perhaps them? During our adolescence, haven't we all constructed stereotypes to shape ourselves, or perhaps absorbed certain images to fit in? Wearing a mask is easy. Maintaining it is not. But as for stripping it away—those who accomplish that are exceptionally few.
At times, we fall into the illusion that we have transformed into the mask itself. The mask merges with us, beginning to function like an autopilot for self-control. We even start to believe in it—and even to protect it. This song embodies that state. So, let us strip away that mask together.
As I have mentioned in other articles, this album is a reconstruction of early tracks I wrote at seventeen. Back then, I wore black jackets and oversized boots; sometimes I’d leave my shirt unbuttoned, wear eyeliner, and grow my hair long. I truly believed I was a real rockstar, and those around me delighted in that character, fueling it further.
At the conservatory, everyone wanted to sit next to me, and the invitations to form bands were endless. I was a "leader" of sorts, and I felt that "hard rock mask" was my true self. As a result, women appeared, I had partners, and the circle of those I believed to be "friends" expanded. Even the teachers believed in my casting.
Rock certainly flowed through my veins. But the reality was that for the vast majority of my life up to that point, I had been a lonely boy. At school, I always sat alone reading Wuthering Heights; I was shy, filled with shame, and suffered from social anxiety. Upon graduating and entering a conservatory where no one knew me, things changed completely. I "reinvented myself," gaining the opportunity to test this new mask. It worked, and I brought that mask into my real life. Since rock cannot be entirely faked, that mask did contain a part of me. However, it was an incredibly young, new, and synthetic mask. Consequently, everything I did was superficial.
An example of my hairstyle at the time. With my dog, Sam. Buenos Aires, Argentina. 2009.
In the end, at that time, those were merely outward emotions and their results. But deep down, there was a shy, lonely boy who felt terror even at something as basic as social life. That mask was my shield; it was self-defense. And the more that "Phantasma" (vanity) was a mere facade, the more it protected me.
More than fifteen years have passed, and long after that mask inevitably shattered, I decided to reconstruct the tracks from that album. This time, with depth, clarity, self-awareness, and art. The first thing I did was title the song "Beware with the Sowbug." You have likely seen warning signs like "Beware of the dog" on house walls or "Beware of the animals" at a zoo.
However, the sowbug was a creature I always felt a kinship with. Growing up in a low-income household with damp walls, I sometimes felt an attachment to them, treating them almost as if they were my own Pokémon. The sowbug has only one defense mechanism: to roll into a ball. That is all. And yet, they are one of the oldest species in existence.
"Beware with the Sowbug" is an oxymoron. After all, what is there to fear from a creature that cannot even sting? This is a mockery of myself and of that mask. In the end, I was nothing more than that fragile sowbug.
There are numerous references hidden within this track (and this album). The sound of bells, and the Western-style music at the beginning—it is a form of irony, as if the sowbug were a cowboy. Following the Western-style introduction, the electric guitar enters. There, honoring my references and tastes at the time, I incorporated a slight resonance reminiscent of 70s Aerosmith.
Stripping away the mask came with a price. Years later, I reunited with those who missed the old version of me. When I told them that I was no longer that person, but a different, matured individual, they left in indignation. Wearing a mask and being who others want you to be certainly brings certain benefits and impact; it serves as a protective shield. However, I choose the solitude of my own nature. I choose to be myself, to be original. I choose to live for art, not for an image or the expectations of others.
A mask may give you an advantage in the algorithm, bring sales, enable conquest, and allow you to become someone you once dreamed of being. But it pulls you away from yourself. Anyone can be a mask. Even an AI can. But no one can be you. No one can have your struggles, the damp walls where sowbugs crawl like they did in my home, or the deep reflections hidden only within you. At the very least, I know I cannot escape myself. Because art created me, and I exist to breathe life into that art. Now, tell me... what kind of mask are you wearing?